On Monday and Tuesday morning, I was sad, angry, frustrated and scared about starting my next round of chemo. This was compounded by having to take steroids, which caused me to behave like a two year old. I threw temper tantrums about such things as the alarm going off too early and Lauren taking a whole 22 minutes to get ready. After my night full of hot flushes (chemo closes down ovaries causing early onset menopause), being scared to death, unable to cry because it causes my eyelashes to fall out and being full of steroids, I completely thought I was rational.
I had an ultrasound of the lump before my chemo to see how things were going. I was originally ultrasounded back in June, then once again after the IVF treatment. The hormones from the egg retrieval had caused the cancer to grow, harden and it felt ominously closer to the surface. I was hoping that the chemo would shrink it to the original June size. I was really nervous since the doctors at UCLA said my particular cancer wouldn’t shrink and they did not recommend doing chemo first. During the rollercoaster of sickness during the first round of chemo I also had a fear in the back of my mind that those doctors might be right and I might be making myself go through all this for no reason.
I knew just from my own feel test that the lump felt smaller but at yesterdays appointment I found out it shrunk in length by a whole centimeter!!!! That is one third of it’s size in length!!! It is even smaller than it was back in June. It also shrunk in width by half a centimeter and depth by another half centimeter. From my understanding it is rare for the chemo to work that much and that fast. The next time I go back in they are going to put in a marker just in case it disappears completely. When describing my progress the doctor used the word ‘phenomenal’.
As I am making my way though the upcoming hideousness and occasional tantrum that chemotherapy entails, I will at least be able to comfort myself with the knowledge that it really is working.